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kellie [
January 20th, 2011 ï 2:11am

Music Playlist at MixPod.com
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December 21st, 2007 ï 10:17pm
[ mood | anxious ]

Comment on this post. I'll choose six userpics from your profile and you'll reply here, explaining what they mean and why you're using them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so others can play along. 

Manda's chosen four..

- Even though it turned out sucky as crap, it was suppossed to represent Jason finding out about Elizabeth's baby being his during the Metro Court Hostage situation, and ended up being Liason love for baby Jake after he was born.

-I got bored and still have a better version of this I have to update after I get Animation Shop back. Its to show what everyone Liason fan hoped and still hopes for. A family with Jason, Elizabeth, baby Jake and Cameron. It was only a dream of Elizabeth's sadly..

-Ethan and Ella. Gotta love the two kids of Becky. I love Ethan's little curls and Ella's looks like Becky. I think this was taken last Christmas after Ethan found candy and gave it to Ella, instead of keeping it for himself and then just jumped his little sister into a big hug and kiss. I always wonder if Ella still has the present I gave her for her 2nd birthday. She's now 3..

-My grandma and her little sister's. How I have never ever seen my grandma with her natural hair color, dressed not out of slacks and sweats, and smiling as she is as much there. I love her truly so very much, she has always taken care of me. She never had any sister's until she had turned 18, she was the oldest of 10 kids, so her little sister's were everything to her. Sadly, my aunt Carrie, the one on the left of her died last year in a bad car accident, and the other two live further away. My aunt Judy on the right, lives in Virgina hardly comes to Michigan and my aunt Linda on her lap we see now and then..I know she misses them. I love old pictures and things that happened back in history and old stories of back then, this truly represents it all in one..

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Hmm.. [
December 21st, 2007 ï 10:11pm
[ mood | confused ]

Nobody will probably read this because its so long, but...

Okay..so I need some advice, not sure if Ill even get any here. Oh well if I dont, I dont. If I do, awesome. I know Manda's opinion and that always sticks in my mind, but now for the whole story of it all, just to get it out and get the curious side of me to asking someone or off my chest and not be inside anymore. So here's the whole story thorough about in my own words and feelings.

I met Jasin about 7 months ago, we were close friends. We always talked laughed, joked, and even flirted. He had a girlfriend. Flo. They were back and forth I was told. Yet in love and yet not so much as she was controlling ashe was clingy. Hence why even going as far as talking of sex with me while they were together. His mom, Sarah and my sister Holli noticed our flirting, which made Sarah say something to him, which only made him stop for the moment. 

It didnt stop other things though. We stayed in his room many times together close. He asked me to stay over a few times for the night, we'd be touchy and joke around, tease each other. Id rub his back, he'd play with my hair, help me put sun tan lotion on, watch movies together, go swimming together, talk about this and that, and even stay at their house together without anyone but him and I there. Hung around me more and more, just as he was my boyfriend, not Flo's.

Later down, about a month and a halfish, they broke up. They broke up and he started hanging around me more and more as he had when he was with Flo. We stayed friends, talked, did just as we had when we met. Even the flirting continued. I started to like him, and I think something was there for him. Well, once again Sarah and Holli noticed. Holli got jealous, of course and Sarah got blah with me being around and such.

He hung around more and more and more, ending up with us sleeping together. We slept together, he said 'he didnt want to hurt me, but we'd stay friends' and we did. Once turned into another time, and then into another and then another. We stayed friends yet again, talked, hung out..the same things all as we had done before many times. Holli got more jealous, Sarah got even more pissed with me being around and close to him. I didnt care and still dont.

I began to go to my dad's more often since they lived not even an apartment building or two away from each other. Holli didnt like that, nor did Sarah. He and I let it go and said whatever to it, and just let them think and do what they were to do. I went there more and more until he got a phone. He gave me the number and he had my dad's. He came over a couple times here and there and then Holli got more angry because I went without her, they were 'HER' friends, not mine.

I would get home to her going on about what she did at their house, after spending the night there almost every weekend. Id go there now and then, but Id end up hanging with Jasin. Sarah was even immature enough to keep telling Holli 'I only went over there to see Jasin'. [I meaning, me.] And then the tip of the iceberg when her and Holli decided to WHISPER secrets when I headed to the bathroom right IN FRONT of Jasin. Anyone knows if you are going to whisper in a house, its about someone IN the house. That pissed him off so badly that he wouldnt talk to his mom the rest of the day, and he started to notice how angry I got over how they treated me.

Later we all watched a movie together. Jasin was on the floor, and I was beside him. Holli and Sarah on the couch right behind us. He had his hand on my foot, and he would keep it there, it never left even when he got up, he brought it back to my leg. I was just being sweet and rubbed his hand with my fingertips. Sarah didnt like that very much and jumped up, got pissed, plopped back to the couch, grabbed her notebook and went to telling Holli EVERYTHING we were doing in a note as if it were us kissing and using tongue!!!

Then Holli later down began to try to play favorites and try to make it that she didnt like his brother and decided to buy Jasin the gift she knew I WANTED to buy him for his birthday, and got mad he gave me a list for birthday stuff before her. But once she got it, and I got him a gift NOT on the list he liked more, she kept asking me how much Id spent to compare gifts, to make hers better. Im sorry, I dont stoop to that level!

So I decided Id stay away for awhile so I wasnt going to bug Sarah anymore and so Holli couldnt come up with crap, and as well to stay away and not suffocate him and be there every weekend as she had. Well one weekend I get home to her saying. 'You didnt hear this from me, but Jasin's been sleeping with other girls.' I didnt take it in, I didnt care, we were just friends, right? Well, I didnt want just friends, and found myself liking him more and more and even was honest and admitted it to him in a letter. A letter he NEVER has responded to about it. Never said a word of. BUT, he would tell me at my dad's of new songs he had written and finished. Even sang me some when Holli wasnt in the room, would let me watch him draw and helped me when he hasnt ever lets anyone. [Not even his mom!] The day he sang to just me a song I believe was for me, on how most of the lyrics go. He also gave me his jacket because I was wearing my dad's sweater and it was cold out.

I would go to my dad's and but decided to just not go to Sarah's as much, I didnt want to hear Holli each time she came home and IF he was with other girls I didnt want to get in the way and I knew how Sarah had acted to him and I. And Id been hearing he said I complained too much and this and that about his business that shoudlve been left alone and not the world to know from Holli. I tried to stay away more. Until Id go there now and then and thats when I shouldnt have and walked in on him and his new girl Nicky.

I was told Nicky and him had known each other for 15 years, and when I walked in on them, Sarah didnt care at all. She opened the door, wide open for me to see them. He knew he had hurt me and once I took off within 5 mins of being there, he called my dad's cell, [which was my only way of getting calls while with him] and said he was going to stop by later that night. I said okay, and he did. He seemed fine up until we got away from my dad and I told him I had missed him, as him and missed sleeping with him even, he told me 'to get a boyfriend.' That I am a nice girl, and I could find anyone, that Im a good person and Ive never lied to him.

That hurt so badly. BUT I will stronlgy believe he said it only because he had no idea what to say or do with the fact of me walking in on him and Nicky. He knew I was hurt, and he either felt bad or guilty. I dont know which I should believe. Which to take in as what he was at the moment, but he talked to me that night, but ended up talking moreso to my dad than anything, like he wasnt sure how to act towards anything.

I cried for days and days and days, of course. But I wasnt going to let him get to me that much and just stopped all contact, everything. Holli moved out, and my dad moved from the complex so we had no way to talk unless one called the other or he came over. Well, my birthday came around and still no word from him. His birthday was in August, I had last seen and talked to him that Septemeber, the last night we slept together. My birthday was November. So it had been awhile.

Thanksgiving came fast, and Holli told mom she had invited, Sarah, his brother Edwin and him for Thanksgiving. I was nervous as crap. I wasnt sure what to expect with him going to be here. But I figured be me is all I can do. Well, he got here, and it was just like things were back before Nicky had even come in the picture. Him and her were NOT dating, but it felt it because I got left because of her. She was married, and has a son, he figured no strings and more fun to get to I guess?

I got hugs like he used to give me, when Holli even got mad cuz he gave me 2 hugs when he walked in the door and she hadnt even gotten one. I mean, he ALWAYS gives me hugs, once 2 in one minute of seeing him long before. No matter what, I always got hugs from him. But these were like the hugs from when we first were friends and got together. He talked to me like back then, he even added my number to his new phone, in which he didnt want me to have the number but added it back and said he would call me soon. Let me remind you, I have known him 7 months and NEVER once received a call from him.

Well, he did call like 2 weeks after and randomly. And we talked for almost 45 mins to an hour about just everything. Christmas, gifts, movies, tv shows, him coming over, him working,..everything and anything like I was sitting there as before. Mom had always told me he come over if he wanted and shed pick him up too if he needed a ride. He said he didnt have work the night he called, but was bored and watching TV. Before that night Sarah had gone one and said 'he's always out with Nicky' blah blah blah. I dont believe that anymore. Otherwise he wouldve been gone with her, and wouldnt have said stuff he had.

I tested the call to see if it was all about sex and sleeping with me again or all about just me myself and asked him if he wanted to come over. That my mom would go pick him up if he wanted to. I didnt want to offer myself over to his house, but he said no. He was a bit hesitant but then resisted and said no, that he wouldnt be able to. So, that made my worry and mind move in speculation very much so on everything between him and I and why he called.

I was also told, that his Christmas gift to me, whatever it is, he put LOTS of thought into it, he made sure Id like it, and that if Nicky knew he was getting it for me or what it was, she wouldnt like it at all, and/or him giving it to me! I was also told would show his feelings towards me. Im not sure on the feelings part, but it excites me to knowing what it is. NOW he is also coming over for Christmas and keeps saying how excited he is. And then again, he randomly called!

This time, we talked about again, everything and anything. And then to Christmas gifts, I told him he had over 5 gifts here under the tree and all from me. He got all 'Now I feel bad, I didnt spend as much on you as you did me!' I kept telling him not to worry, its Christmas, I wanted to do it. He's all 'I know you'll like yours anyway..' and kinda got out of me that one of his gifts came from Guitar Center. And he was just genuinely Jasin and very happy and the normal Jasin. He said he would come by Christmas Day if he wasnt going to his best friends, BUT that we would hang out that week or this week because he doesnt have much work hours. So, here's my question...

What do you think? Is it just me or is he liking me and trying to take it slow now? I havent heard much about him and Nicky and they probably cant date much if she's married, so maybe he got burned by the marriage deal or something happened? Or maybe he's just being friendly? Im just so confused and need someones help besides my own brain that keeps going in circles with questions and wonders. Need someone to help me with what they think exactly..Im sure no one read it all, but if you did, forgive me for the length and thank you and hope that you can help! Any thoughts and suggestions are welcome..


Christmas Eve came and I gave him the kiss on the cheek. He didnt object or anything though. He got around to show me his new tattooo, and had me help him with his coat and shirt so it didnt rub against it. I helped and we talked and he told me I had to open my gift right then. I said not yet, and so we went to my room to watch some tv. He asked if I had a shirt he could wear because his was bothering the tat. I said we could look. He said nothing girly and I didnt have what he was looking for. We went back to watching TV until mom said it was dinner time. We got our food and we sat to my bed, Linda and Holli on the floor with Chris. I got him soda and then he turned to me and was like 'My girlfriend likes GH too..' I sat there quiet for a second. He's all 'I watched it the other day with her' . Im like ignoring the girlfriend part and said something to the other. Asking 'WOW, you actually watched it!' and he went on to talk about how he didnt remember my fave chars. I reminded him they were Jason and Elizabeth.

Then he ws more excited about gifts still and Sarah kept asking me what his big one was. I wouldnt tell. He began to rub my leg, rub my head and laugh, pinch my cheeks, smile and laugh, talk about this and that as always. Then he grabbed his gifts from him and brought them to my room demanding me and Holli open our gifts. We did. I got the most beautiful fairy for my collection! She sits on a glow ball and everything. I love her very much! Then I found him a shirt of mine to wear that hadnt been worn but once, he put it on and wore it all day. Well, he wanted to open his now and mom headed us out to open them. I hugged him and thanked him like 3 times or more. You shoulda seen his face light up with each gift! But then we pretty much hung out as he downloaded a song on my comp and wrote down tabs to play on his guitar. The whole house was upstairs listening to him play besides uncle Bobby.

He finished and pretty much we talked more and he told Christine, Edwin's girlfriend that her and I would like Nicky cuz she likes General Hospital too. I didnt say anything again, but listened and then everyone started to leave except them. He told me he still had plans to STILL hang out that week. Emerald gave kisses and hugs goodbye and then they left and aunt Patty and all left. We talked for  afew more minutes until they decided to leave at like 10ish. He gave me a hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek, as he whispered in my ear thank you. He let me OF ALL PEOPLE take his guitar outside to the car and helped with his coat on. He got out there and got like 4 more hugs. And he left. Within 10 mins of him getting home, he had to call to thank me billions of times for his gifts and how awesome they were. AND that he was NOW coming for Christmas Day.

He did come over with Edwin after Sarah woke me up. They came and he was quiet as ever. He hardly said much of anything at all. We pretty much watched TV in my room and chatted here and there. Edwin sat on my head, him in my chair and then theyd switch. Well, when they switched and Edwin was out to the hall, he went to get his coat on with my help and asked him if they were taking off now. His words were 'Yeah..probably' . UNTIL Edwin walked in and he asked if he was ready to go. His words changed to 'No, not yet..want to see more of this..' and sat at my bed as if he were waiting on Edwin to leave and then got up to look at my fairies again. He told me he was going to get me a fairy everytime he seen one, to make sure I get a whole collection. And I made the deal to get him dragons.

Then since Edwin wouldnt leave, he got up and left after 10 minutes or so. He gave me a hug and they left. He never called to hang out, he never called for anything. I wonder if Nicky found out and she didnt like the idea? He then talked to mom about moving on the phone and said he couldnt help. He was sick on the phone could tell, and messaged him earlier, he messaged back and I didnt know it. Well, I messaged him back and got nothing. Now its been over 2 weeks, no call to hang out and each message I send him gets trashed and no response. I dont get it..what did I do so wrong? Is it becuase of the messages? I think Im going to just leave it alone..and go from here..let him do the rest. We dont live far now..up to him because it bothers me when I KNOW and he wants to be friends too, yet he seems to want more but doesnt really know how to deal I think. Maybe liking both me and Nicky and why Im pushed away so he dont get close becuse he knows he does? Oh well, we'll see how this goes...

OH and I still have his shirt and he still has mine. He hasnt even asked for it back!! Now, I have his shirt and jacket...

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December 2nd, 2007 ï 2:15am

YAY! So I FINALLY got this up and going. Well, had it up, just no layout or crap to add to it. It sucks, but hey I like it. Its Gracie! Well, Gracie when she was on CSI:NY as Elisha. Anyone catch it? The Episode was called Boo, aired on Halloween. Isnt she adorable? And Faithy is on my userinfo banner, well, her and Hope in the middle. The song so fit, cuz Carrie rocks, duh. I LOVE the Dever girls, including baby Joy, who came along the 1st of November, before my birthday! 

And then there's my lovely icon of Maddie [Madeleine Mccann] for this. How I hope she is safe, I want her back home and not gone from this world. A beautiful child, with stupid parents, but those who love her, including them. She needs to be returned or something. It breaks my heart everytime I read something more on her.

So now that Ive rambled about the girls, I need to FINALLy get at it and join Manda's baby name place thingy. AND try and do that app for her Harry Potter place, cuz I wanna just do it to see what happens. Though, I know what they will say to me. Im gonna suck at it, for sure.  I guess we'll see when gets time for it..

NOW, I am excited as well, for Christmas. Ive got Jasin's gift set, which, he'd better love me for these records of The Beatles and Pink Floyd or Ill cry. Cant wait for Xmas!! Emerald, Jasin, Edwin and Sarah all here, its gonna be awesome. NOW, Mark needs to add me on Myspace before I cry!

Okay, Im done now..for now..I think? Someone be kind enough and do my little thingy below [in the other entry]. I just want something to do on here to get me started. Well, also have to get Manda to make me some icons now too, cuz mine are all crappy.

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Ask me! [
November 7th, 2007 ï 1:18am
[ mood | amused ]

Ask me a question about each of the following:

• Friends
• Sex
• Music
• Drugs
• Love
• Greatestjournal

It doesn't matter how sexual or confidential. After you do, post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked!

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